Enough

I just wish I was good enough
Anxiety cringing, with a splash of fear
Fear of being a burden yet clinging onto things so dear
Math was never my best suit but I did that to make you proud,
Bringing in the highest grades felt you lifted me 
Only to fall back into reality
But still thinking on life before of fatalities
But what was it?
What really happened? 
Was it the hurt that became apparent?
Nah you just didn't want to be a parent.
Bruises were deep but words were unfathomable, 
Giving you thoughtful reasons to why realizing it wasn't practical, 
you'd think a mf change going to church so now you're this baptist?
You "praise" the lord hypocritically, thin lines cut like plastic,
Laced with the blood of sin running with hatred, 
crack and cocaine opened you realizing your love was sacred,
But I hate it.. 
thoughts on your life made you complacent
Prideful and satisfied, family made no statements.
I wanted you to love me like Monty loved his three little girls, 
Love me like I was special because I felt like no one cared so I had to settle
The closer I got to God the more he became the devil
dunken footsteps, hollow yells for help ties
in need of my help had to read between the lines
But I loved you wished I could've gave you my life
Tears on your cheekbones ran through the night,
Sorrows filled with grief, and your heart full of spite
You cared unrecognizable and tough
But all I really wanted was to be good enough.