You

        It's just.., something about you. Something about you that stands out from the rest. Could it be your eyes? Looking into your eyes could calm me through the worst situations. Or maybe even it's something in your smile. The way the curves of your lips rise so heavenly, the way that right dimple deepens without interruption. Maybe it's way you laugh, the way you talk, walk, eat... It's kind of like a special puzzle that I've come across, & I somehow lost that last puzzle of the finishing piece. I'm so close, but such a rarity... such a tough find... I guess you could say I'm pretty lucky huh? You know me so well.. Shoot you probably even know me better than I know myself.., and every person in the past that I've come across seemed like I couldn't be decoded; but you did. That work paid off huh? It's like after you've put into years of investment into a job that you have all the right potential for to be a CEO. You made it to the head boss status, and  I applaud you for that.
         You've taught me so much.. from self love all the way to music and history. Things I would've never thought were true. Things that I thought made no sense gradually made sense to me... (*Chuckles*) let's not forget, I taught you something too. A few things actually. Things you caught onto, but you jokingly hated to give me credit. You also stretch this word empathy to me, I don't think I've ever heard the word as much as you'd use it. Always tried to exercise this and express this to me, even tried your best to apply this yourself. Empathy was something I learned from you. You tried to utilize and take advantage of your own advice no matter the cost & I loved that about you. Always striving to conquer and be the best you could be.
        We just had the most in common. Lacking self love, growth, uncontrollable anxiety, depression.., you were like a mirrored reflection of myself; just like me. That's what I loved most about you. I didn't care about looks, I cared more about your personality and well being if anything. You were beautiful. Never met someone so complex but yet so simple. Simple enough for me but others couldn't quite understand you. You were growing so I didn't judge you with anything you did, because all I wanted was the best for you, and to help you grow; to blossom with you. I didn't judge your insecurities, and didn't pick because who am I to judge? I might as well create the universe doing so. Your insecurities couldn't stop the way I felt for you, and this feeling wasn't something I could shake. Something so small couldn't outshine the good I saw in your heart.
       I could choose the things you liked almost in an instant. Your favorite color, food, music, hoodie, movie... You were growing on me something serious. It was something strong, secure, & passionate, and I loved every single bit of it. It had gotten to the point where I just always wanted to be surrounded by your love, comfort, and protection. Something about the way you held me made me feel that at that moment, nothing else mattered. No one mattered. Being in your arms made me tranquil and safe. Your kisses make me quiver and sent chills down my spine. Your touch made me weak. Your smile makes me feel.., i and always smile back. You could make me smile effortlessly and laugh without trying... you were contagious.
         You genuinely care about me, and I know because when it's real you feel it. You feel every inch and piece of love if it's there. You're my best friend foremost, and you've always looked out for me, no matter the situation. You wanted to see me happy regardless if it was with you or someone else., and I remember when you told me at that exact moment I said to myself, "I think I found my soulmate". Never had a friend like you. Never had anyone in my life that came as close as you did. I wanted to be even closer. Hand in hand, and secured in your arms forever. Swallowed in the brown eyes of the strong black kings before you. You were strong, stronger than any depression, while hovering over your anxiety. I see a conqueror of a thousand battles you've fought before me.., and I wanted to stay there. & your natural, sincere heart; I wanted to live there, where I find peace forever.

have you ever?

have you ever

seen the smile of a broken woman?

looked up at the sky before it rained again?

have you ever

felt as if no one could hear you sorrows?

felt a pain so bad that depression followed?

have you ever

acted as if everything was okay?

felt as if no one cared anyway..

have you ever

felt your world crumble under you
to think you had many but only a few?

Mary

Sweet, sweet redolence

could taste you and catch ketosis,

becoming so owned and dependent,

dirt on my soul clearing out your innocence,

inhale your chronicled inheritance

with thoughts of the herb's benevolence.

Always carefree and tranquil,

with so many reasons to be thankful.

You've been through with me through most,

compelled and accompanied with the moonlight ghost,

intolerant to your essence,

while replaying these epiphanies of a lesson,

if i could get lost in your world...

Enough

I just wish I was good enough
Anxiety cringing, with a splash of fear
Fear of being a burden yet clinging onto things so dear
Math was never my best suit but I did that to make you proud,
Bringing in the highest grades felt you lifted me 
Only to fall back into reality
But still thinking on life before of fatalities
But what was it?
What really happened? 
Was it the hurt that became apparent?
Nah you just didn't want to be a parent.
Bruises were deep but words were unfathomable, 
Giving you thoughtful reasons to why realizing it wasn't practical, 
you'd think a mf change going to church so now you're this baptist?
You "praise" the lord hypocritically, thin lines cut like plastic,
Laced with the blood of sin running with hatred, 
crack and cocaine opened you realizing your love was sacred,
But I hate it.. 
thoughts on your life made you complacent
Prideful and satisfied, family made no statements.
I wanted you to love me like Monty loved his three little girls, 
Love me like I was special because I felt like no one cared so I had to settle
The closer I got to God the more he became the devil
dunken footsteps, hollow yells for help ties
in need of my help had to read between the lines
But I loved you wished I could've gave you my life
Tears on your cheekbones ran through the night,
Sorrows filled with grief, and your heart full of spite
You cared unrecognizable and tough
But all I really wanted was to be good enough.