strange existence? (thoughts)

sometimes when I look up at the moon, it appears to be super close. It almost looks too perfect... I feel like I am on the Truman Show. everything feels like a dream, or a memory or.., like it's not really real. when the moon is too beautiful in the sky, it's like a trigger for me to question reality.

I start questioning if this reality exist or not..., and then start to allow my mind to wander into parallel universe theories...

I come to the conclusion that everything around me is ephemeral and nothing REALLY exist outside of the projections of my mind. it scares me a little because it means.., maybe everything I do is for nothing, but somehow that realizations frees me a little as well.

I then take a deep breath, I slowly cast those thoughts aside., and assimilate to the physical plane placing these thoughts into the back of mind until they are triggered again.

Existence is strange.

It's okay.

It's okay to have devious, demented, and dark thoughts. It comes with the territory of being human. but please.., love the good within you enough to not let them consume you. It's okay to look out on the edge of sanity and see the depths of madness below, but don't get too close and slip. don't get too overwhelmed with life that you jump..

I love you.

Stay open with yourself. Stay honest with yourself. Stay loving to yourself.

things end. (naturally..)

this is just like those sunny days,
when things were warm, when things were smooth,
the days seemed to never end, just beginning.
routines never seemed so bad around this time.
I smiled more.
now that things have turned light,
things have turned cold and uneasy.
the leaves all fell naturally.
things were getting colder,
loves were turning numb.
everything in every aspect.
the things that made us warm..
that safe place..
things fell at an even faster pace.
too busy focusing on the leaves,
than the tree itself...

disconnected.

disconnected.
too many thoughts go uncollected.
too little lessons when I retrospect.
trying to rekindle and connect.
trying to endure, and ash out the numb
while feeling such resentment.
dodging the empathy to be my relentment,
searching for contentment in others.
every time I'd slip,
falling in the validation of others without grip
of what I should understand.
like a victim of my own,
disconnected from my own alone.
suffering but seeing it in better perspective,
broken train of thought, a social defective.
constantly rejecting the sobriety,
battling the warriors of my anxiety,
so numb to the society..
in my own mind.
my own concepts.
in need of a recreated project.
there's no limits, no boundaries.
like a broken tune,
missing spaces misplaced rooms.
all in my mind
running to the things I'm escaping from..
But I'm just still so numb.